Monday

Don't Let Your Fear Ruin Your Dating




Don't let your Fear ruin your Dating

Fear is a force that needs to be reckoned with. Until a few years ago I had the pleasure and joy to oversea a high-rise facility primarily occupied by senior citizens. They acquired this distinction by achieving the age of 62. Each apartment shared a balcony with one of their neighbors and most tenants found this an agreeable arrangement. At least till until a new tenant was selected for one of the small apartments. There were four types of apartments available. Studios, 1 and 2 Bedrooms. I showed the perspective tenant who was a man the apartment and noticed his neighbor a lady was viewing us from her patio door and seemed to be in a frantic state of mind considering the expression on her face. The gentleman agreed to take the apartment and was quite pleased it viewed the town from his new balcony.

Feared Sharing a Balcony with a Man

Then his neighbor who was frantic that I was allowing a man to share her balcony visited me. I asked her what her concerns were but she only said that she feared living next to a man. I told her I was bound by rules established by the Housing Commission, which pertained to selecting tenants for any given apartment. She continued for a few minutes and just repeated her original statement. Her state of mind greatly concerned me, so I called her daughter and suggested we meet for a conference to discussion her mother’s frantic state of mind. We met and with reluctance her daughter informed me her mother had been brutally raped by a man and she has never managed to move on from this encounter. I told her daughter that the gentlemen had met all the requirements for living here and I had no recourse but to give him the apartment.

I Shared my Kenya Thoughts with Her

The next day the unhappy tenant and her daughter visited me. I informed both that I was sympathetic but I had no recourse but to allow the gentlemen to move into the apartment. While we continued to talk I tried to relate an incident that I had in my childhood that created a fear like she was relating to me. This seemed to help the lady gain some composure and this allowed us to communicate better to each other. I told her I over came one of my childhood fears by following certain instructions I was offered from a gentlemen who used to live in Kenya as a boy. He told me that his ancestors passed on to him the knowledge of their life and how he was told to memorize this information and his experiences because he would be required to pass this information onto his children, which he said he did. Here’s what he told me to do. He told me to bring clarity to my fear and that would help reduce the pain I was feeling. He said by facing ones fear one gains power over it and that new power will set me free. I followed his instructions and soon found myself feeling better in my life.

Offered Her a Different Apartment

I told my unhappy tenant that I could offer her a different apartment in the future if she wished to be placed on a waiting list of tenant that wished for some reason or another to move into another apartment. She said yes and I did place her on the list to move. She told me that she would take any available apartment, even if it had no bedroom.

Man Moved In

The gentlemen moved in and time passed. Then one day I had a vacancy and this lady was next on the list for an apartment. I called her and told her she could move. She informed me that she wanted to be removed from the list to move. I was to say the least confused by her not wanting to move since it was only three months ago that she was so frantic and afraid to share a balcony with a man. I said ok and removed her from the list.

Offered Her a Different Apartment

Then one day months later she entered my office holding hands with a person of the opposite sex and asked to speak to me in private. I invited her in and she introduced me to her boy friend. During this meeting she informed me that she took my advice and viewed her past and came to terms with her rape. She said bringing clarity to the incident helped give her closure and it didn’t hurt any more. She also indicated that she visited a therapist who helped the process move along. She told me thank you for not letting me move and thus forcing me to face my fears. I told her I was glad she felt better and wished her wellness in the future.

She left my office holding hands and smiling like a school girl. I couldn't believe this was the same person who feared to share her balcony with a man.

A Thought from Kenya Helped Us Both

So She and I are both grateful to the boy from Kenya, who gave us strength to face our fears and live happier lives. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.


Don L. Terrill

Photo by samlens