Don't Let Your Children Decide Who You Date
You Don't Need Your Children's Approval to Date
I hear and see this process playing out, all to many times. I love my sons with all my heart; but that didn’t give them the right or privilege to determine who I dated. I and I alone retained that decision to make. Yes when all the dust cleared and the commitment had been made, I did hope that my sons would buy into the deal and embrace the fact and be pleased that their father was truly a happier person. If my sons had reservations, they kept them to their selves.
Let Your Feelings Rule on this matter
Don my oldest son, who has always shared his thoughts and questions, did so during our first meeting with each other by asking my future wife a leading question. He asked her what her first husband did? My wife replied that he was a banker. Don who seldom keeps his mouth properly supervised. You see he loves to debate and these kinds of questions generally cause affects, which he’s looking for. His next question was, how much did you take him for? My son finally met, someone who gives what they receive. She responded by saying not nearly enough. I think this meeting bonded my son and future wife. Even today they still talk about their first meeting and laugh about it. I think, no I know, they share a common respect for each other. Yes the debating still continues when they’re together. I find the process enjoyable.
If You Let Your love Decide, They Will Come Around in Time
Allowing your children to decide who you date is a huge mistake. This process should be guided by your feelings only. In this particular situation their feelings should play no part in who you date. What you must remember is that your children, assuming your first marriage partner is alive and they the children still have bonded with them. Are preconceived to the idea that they want their original parents back together. If you are not in this groove of thinking, ignore what your children are saying concerning this matter. In time if you make a good second choice, they will come around and stop the game playing. They will in time see the value of their step parent and be ok with it.
Don't Let Their Actions Control Your Dating
When you start dating again your children will instantly become helpless without you. They will find ways to sabotage your dating. They will try to make you feel guilty for leaving them with a sitter or family member. Don’t buy into this baloney, they’re just jealous and don’t want to share you with someone else. So date on and in time, you will, if fate is on your side, find the right person you should have married in the first place. Smart people learn from their mistakes and ignore their children, when it comes to dating. Think of it this way, in time they will be gone and you will still be happy with your mating choice.
A Heart Decision is Always Good for Everyone
So don’t give in and stay the course. You’ll be rewarded with love and what’s better, then that. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by Pétursey
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 8:42 AM