Photo By: addisonmagazine
Ditch the Rules
by Marie Forleo
A long, long time ago, the path from courtship to marriage was clear. Women waited for men to ask them out, allowed men to pay for every date, and breathlessly anticipated a marriage proposal.
Back then, the rules of courtship were clearly defined. There were things a woman did … and things she should NEVER do. Only a vulgar and shameless woman would pursue a man.
Many of today’s so-called “time-tested secrets” for meeting and attracting Mr. Right come from that era, an age in which men were MEN, and women were WOMEN, and gender roles kept them an arms-length apart.
Playing by those rules today isn’t just old-fashioned; it’s just plain limiting. Today, we as women have more freedom than at any other time in human history. We can work in whatever job we want, live wherever we want, and date whomever we want! Why, then, would we willingly step back under the yoke of courtship Do’s and Don’ts designed in a culture that’s long past and good riddance?
Because, in the often-confusing modern dating world, rules make us feel safe. Do’s and Don’ts can keep us from making mistakes. Dating “rules” (like ending a phone call first, or not accepting a weekend date after Wednesday) can prevent us from getting rejected.
Or can they?
If you keep yourself from doing certain things around men and make yourself do others based on FEAR that you’ll make a mistake or FEAR that he’ll reject you, then you’re setting the foundation for a relationship based on insecurity.
It’s the same error our grandmothers and great-grandmothers made so many years ago: they looked to the MEN to define whether they were in a relationship, what form it would take, and how long it would last.
As a result, the only way women were able to influence the outcome was through indirect means – such being mysterious, playing “hard to get,” and not letting on how they felt – to get what they wanted.
Today, it’s wonderful that men and women both can be so open, honest, and direct about topics that were taboo just a few generations before. But with this freedom comes power … and a great deal of confusion.
Even though the old rules were restricting, at least they gave us the confidence of familiarity. We knew what to do. We knew what the man’s role was, and we knew what the woman’s role was.
But if men and women each have an equal say in dating and relationships, then who is supposed to make the next move … and what even IS the next move?
The old dating Do’s and Don’ts simply are not flexible enough to account for the way society has changed and the diversity of cultures that exists.
That’s why I believe it is so important that we develop a new paradigm for dating and relationships that reflects who we are as modern women in a modern dating world.
For more irresistible tips click here.
Posted by Jessica Watts at 12:12 PM
Photo by: itybitybmw
by Cucan Pemo
If you are still single and yearning for that someone special to come into your life, to share your life, and to share all the laughter and joy of being together, there is something you could do to attract your true love like a magnet!
(1)You must believe you are able to attract true love.
This is important! In order to attract or re-attract your true love, not just any type of lovers, to come into your life, you have to believe you are able to attract the right person into your life.
True love comes to you not because of chance. Instead, it comes to you because of who you are. It comes 'THROUGH' you, it does not come to you.
You attract the people in your life because of who you are. If you are someone who is always cheery, generous, kind, and hardworking, then it is very likely you will
attract people who have one or more of your positive attributes. Whoever you attract into your lives is a REFLECTION of who you are at that moment. Thus if you are someone who is always doubtful of your own ability and capability to meet the right person, then it is very likely you will attract the wrong person into your life!
(2)Love others who come into your life at this moment.
Being loving to others is perfect love, not just wanting love.
Open up your heart and give your love to others as well while you are waiting for your someone special to enter your life. When you open up and give more love, more love will return and be given you too.
This is the law of give and receive. When you go outside and socialize, do not go with the intention of only wanting to find love, or to find your Mr/Mrs Right.
Instead, take an interest in all those that you encounter, be aware of their welfare and needs as
well. If you start to take an interest in other people's welfare and needs instead of only your own, more people will be attracted to you.
So, detach yourself from the feeling that you want to find that someone special. The right person will definitely come to you one day and be attracted to you because of who you are. He or she might must be around in a corner thinking: "Hey, I want to get to know this person who has so much magnetism and optimism. How can I approach him/her?"
(3)Expect less from other people and give more instead.
As you give more and more love to others, be careful not to become too much focused on your own wants and needs.
In wanting or expecting to experience the love we want, we suffer. We crave, and we cling to what we do not have and we even refuse to let go what we have clung to.
Your giving should not come with any conditions. Instead, the love you give should want less and less. As your love wants less and less, ironically you will find more love coming your way, even without you asking for it.
Give true love, so that it opens up and embrace the world. Very soon, you will find that someone special entering your life.
It is not by chance that this person has entered your life, but you have cultivated the 'seeds' to bring him/her to you, not just any type of person, but the right and true one for you.
And after he/she has entered your life, continue to cultivate even more 'seeds' of love for everyone around you, and you will find that you can easily create the 'magical' relationship that you desire effortlessly.
To read more dating tips click here.
Posted by Jessica Watts at 3:09 PM
Photo By: EngineeringNerd
Flirting Tips For Men
by Joseph Matthews
I would like to ask you a question.
Have you ever been stuck in the friend mode with a woman you meet and like, despite all your best romantic efforts?
Do you ever wonder why this happens?
Chances are it is because you did not flirt correctly with the woman.
You should know that flirting is essential in the attraction process. If you do not do it at all or do it wrong, you may blow your chances with a woman.
Why is flirting essential?
This is simple flirting creates sexual tension.
When there is no sexual tension within your interactions, there will be no attraction. When you do not have attraction, this places you in a different category.
Yes, that is right; it makes you simply a friend.
Your attraction enhances when you know how to flirt with women properly.
Flirting is a lot of fun and not so much a secret as some might consider, however when done incorrectly it will not work.
The art of flirting with women is all about communicating your romantic interest in the woman rather than just letting the cat out of the bag.
These are mixed signals.
You communicate one thing yet your words say something very different.
Some of the more common mistakes of flirting with women that men make may include:
MISTAKE #1: They Are Way Too Obvious
Some men find it overwhelming when they feel attraction to a woman and then spit it all out at once letting her know how they feel. This type of presentation of information places the woman at a disadvantage of deciding what she feels for the man.
You must lay the proper groundwork ahead of time, so you can avoid rejection.
MISTAKE #2: They Aren't Obvious Enough!
There are men who communicate no interest at all, since they assume the woman knows how they feel. This catches a woman by surprise because she has not clue of his interest.
MISTAKE #3: They Rely More On Words Than Actions
Although, flirting includes what you say and the way you say it, the most powerful performance comes from your non-verbal body language. The small simple things like raising an eyebrow, tilting your head to one side and that wicked little grin, that carries the most meaning in a seemingly innocent remark.
MISTAKE #4: Taking Themselves Too Seriously
Flirting is fun and light when done properly. When men begin adding serious romantic gestures with flirting, the sexual tension begins to break down.
If you're not having fun when flirting - and more importantly, if the girl isn't having fun - then you are doing something WRONG.
Although, there are other mistakes, these few should give you some ideas. Would you like to learn the proper way to begin flirting?
Use as many sexual overtones as possible, this is a good way to flirt, however, you must keep it subtle.
So for instance, if you're at a bar, and the girl you're with orders a drink and then turns to you and asks if you'd like something, you could jokingly say - "You're not trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me, are you?" (Of course, this is said with a wink and a nod.)
This lets her know you are interested without saying it outright. Flirting is implication and it is fun and lighthearted.
Another example would be, if a girl says something raunchy or naughty to you, you might respond with something like "Stop trying to seduce me, you vixen! You know I don't put out on the first date."
See how that works?
Then, as you begin to flirt more and more, you can start getting a little more obvious about your interests, while never really crossing that line.
As you do this, you'll begin to notice how the attraction between you and the girl starts to build and build. And before you know it, that harmless flirting becomes an outright SEDUCTION.
The real fun begins at this point.
For More Tips by Joseph Matthews click here.
Posted by Jessica Watts at 11:54 AM
Photo by: FaDi!!
Some Tips Impressing Women
by James, Relationship Expert
Renee Grant-Williams, a celebrity vocal coach, says, "The people we deal with in life come to know us by the three ways in which we present ourselves: (a) how we look; (b) what we say; and (c) how we say it." Obviously, this applies just as much to women as it does to men. If not more.
So if you want to impress women, you're gonna have to carefully think about how you present yourself. Let's look at each category.
A. How We Look
Whether you like it or not, dress is crucial. It says a lot about you: whether you care about how you look, or you don't. But you don't have to dress like a Hollywood celebrity to look good.
Here are some tips on how to dress for success:
1. Get a female friend or sister to help you pick your clothes. If you don't know what to wear, get someone who does know! Ask a female friend or acquaintance to go shopping with you. She's sure to be flattered, and if you reward her with a gift certificate or DVD, she'll be all the more motivated to help you out.
2. Check out the latest styles. Go to the bar or club and see what others are wearing. Observe what the guys who do well with women wear. Look in magazines and catalogues and see what it's in style.
3. Wear what conforms to your identity. Hey, if you're the hardworking, businessman type, wear formal clothes that accent your career. If you're the snowboarder/skater type, wear grungy clothes that accent your loose, laid-back persona. And if you're really into music, don't be afraid to express yourself with the types of clothes that rock stars and musicians like to wear! You can't force a style upon yourself; clothes are a form of marketing, so market yourself like you would a product, in the way that best shows what you're all about.
The same goes for your hair: If you want to convey a clean-cut, crisp image, then you might want to shave and cut your hair short. But if you're trying to convey a rebel image, a goatee, long hair, and tattoos are probably in order.
And speaking of tattoos, don't forget that they are an ACCESSORY that further helps you to market yourself. Tats, jewelry, and even hats are great ways to mold your image to the man you want to present to women. If you're a snowboarder, for example, a wool hat says "Cool". Or if you're an aspiring rapper or musician, a doo rag has a place in your wardrobe. Consider the accessories that best conform to you as a person.
B. What We Say
Here are some great topics to talk about:
* Your dreams. Let a girl know that you have a purpose and direction in your life, that you're not a wandering bum!
* Funny stories. Humor is a great aphrodisiac. Think about some funny things that have happened in your life. But make sure your delivery is good--more below.
* Her. The Dalai Lama said, "Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent." Don't be afraid to let a girl speak for a while. Be silent, but be interested. Actively listen to what she says. It'll go a long way towards upping the attraction meter!
* Teasing/Playing around. This is a great technique, especially if you don't know exactly what to talk about. Throw in an occasional joke or funny moment. I have a friend who has a great technique for handling silence. He laughs to himself, prompting the girl to ask, "What?" He'd say in a sly way that would invite curiosity, "Nah, you don't want to know. I'm in deep thought." She'd respond, "Tell me! Tell me!" So he'd do the whole Meow Mix song ("Meow meow meow meow..."). It's just one of many great ways to lighten the moment, and show you're a relaxed, none-too-serious person.
* Last but not least, sex. One relationship guru brilliantly says, "TALKING about sex is the first step towards having it." Ask her if she's a bad girl, or what's the craziest thing she's ever done in her life--with a bit of innuendo added into your voice. This isn't the kind of stuff you want to talk about right away, but when things are going good, it's great to show your "inner bad boy". She'll know what you mean, and get excited thinking about it.
Likewise, here are some topics that you SHOULD NOT talk about:
- Offensive humor. Chris Rock's racial humor may be entertaining, but it's not a good topic for a first date!
- Politics. There's nothing to be gained by arguing over issues and parties.
- Past girlfriends. An absolute no-no. All you do is play a game that makes one of you jealous or suspicious of the other. Stay away from this topic, but if she DOES ask you about past girlfriends, talk respectfully about them so you don't come off as an insecure whiner.
- Inside jokes between you and your friends. They're called inside jokes for a reason--keep them that way!
- Anything that could be interpreted as geeky or dorky, such as science-fiction. Unless you know for a fact that she's into science fiction and comic books, keep it to yourself for now. The last thing you want to come across as is a geek!
- Too much about yourself, your possessions, how great you are, etc. Bragging only makes you look insecure. Even if you own a yacht, don't talk about it like it makes you any more special than her.
C. How We Say It
Of course, none of these topics, particularly funny stories, are gonna work if you don't know to deliver them. Delivery in speech is crucial. People who have good delivery can make an otherwise dull story an exciting one. I highly suggest you read "Voice Power" by the aforementioned Renee grant Williams. Here are some tips she recommends:
1. Use consonants. That is, accent your speech. If you're talking about a great concert you went to, no one will believe it's that great if you say in a monotone voice, "That was a great concert." That puts people to sleep. Instead, say, "Man, that was a grrrreat concert!" The Tony the Tiger voice. If she says something, don't say as if you're bored, "Really." Say, "Rrrreally?", then, with emphasis, "WOW." It works!
2. Don't use unnecessary words and details. If you're talking about a time when you and your friends went to Cancun, don't bother with the unnecessary details like the food they served on the plane, the wait for the taxi, or the sheets they used in the hotel. Get to the point!
3. Silence. As Williams says, Silence does speak a thousand words. There's nothing better than the "power pause", especially when trying to captivate your listeners with a story of bravery. You can lead up to something powerful, then pause while the girl takes it in and after a few seconds of silence, say, "But that's not all..." Or
4. Drama and comedy. Don't be afraid to sprinkle some dramatic and comedic flair into your speech. If you're talking about a goofy incident with your buddy, laugh along with it. When you laugh, it's a cue for other people to laugh. Chris Rock does this all the time; he laughs at his own scripts, and it has the power of making his routine all the funnier. Likewise, if you're telling a dramatic story of something amazing like rescuing people from a car accident, talk with conviction and suspense. It really goes a long way towards spellbinding women; they love a great story, especially a heroic one.
5. Use body language. It's not enough to talk with your arms beside your side and your butt on your seat. Talk with your arms, with your hands, your body language creating a sense of excitement. It's a fact: enthusiasm is contagious. So show some enthusiasm with your vocal and body languages!
Finally, change your pitch. If things are going well, lower your pitch, give her your best Barry White. If you're talking about a funny moment, a louder, more excited pitch is probably best. Recognize the mood and alter your voice to conform to it.
Congratulations! You're on your way to making great impressions on great women. Recognize the power of speech and appearance, and you're bound to succeed.
To read more tips by James and other experts click here.
Posted by Jessica Watts at 11:57 AM
Photo by: BaLima
First Date Mistakes Made by Men
Written By Michael Webb
Let's face it if you never get a second chance to make a first impression!
That's why, if you want to take things further with a woman, you need to show her your best on the very first date. And in actual fact, there are 5 things that men consistently do on first dates that totally destroy their chances of seeing the woman again, and the worst part is they think they're doing it right!
Avoid the following 5 mistakes to increase your chances of success on your first date:
MISTAKE #1 -- BUYING GIFTS
Bringing chocolate or flowers on a first date isn't the best idea - especially if you've just met the woman! She's there to get to know YOU. Women are always asking themselves "what does THAT mean?" And in this case it's, "He bought me flowers because he likes me, but he doesn't even know anything about me yet! A little suspicious.
MISTAKE #2 -- BEING MR. SERIOUS
When in the presence of a potential date, men often become boring, instead of keeping up the friendly vibe they have with their friends. They won't make jokes or laugh with the woman, they won't play around like they do with their friends and they generally take things a little too seriously. Why do men change their behavior around women, often without even realizing they're doing it? Because they fear losing their only chance with the girl of their dreams, they try and play the safe side, which results in a "Mr. Serious."
MISTAKE #3 -- CONDUCTING AN INTERVIEW
When men become "Mr. Serious" they often fall into "job interview conversation mode." Make sure you reserve questions like, "So where do you work?" or "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" for the future, after you've already had a lot of fun and made the sparks fly. Instead, talk about your hobbies, interesting stories and fun stuff. Avoid anything too deep for a long period of time. On a first date, it can make things a little depressing. Talk like you've known each other for years (as if you don't need to do the awkward 20-questions quiz.) Of course you can ask basic questions, but never make it the main focus of your date. Focus on fun.
MISTAKE #4 -- BEING TOO NEEDY & DIRECT
Without realizing it, many guys turn their dates off by trying a little too hard. For example: Men will lean into a woman's personal space, and ask, "so do you like me?" or constantly change his opinion to seek her approval and make her like him. Big mistake. Ironically, it's leaning back, staying cool and calm, being a little cheeky, interesting, mysterious and comfortable with yourself that actually gets a woman's attention and keeps her interested.
MISTAKE #5 -- GOING TO BORING PLACES
If your date finds the night boring, you're finished. When it comes to having fun on first dates, nothing is more important than what you do. And while dinners and movies are nice, it's really hard to leave a great impression in these settings. Why? Because they set a very "proper tone" that's hard to turn into fun and playful. And unless you're a super funny, intelligent and interesting guy, dinner and movie dates just aren't the best place to take your date. Instead, go to fun places like mini-golf parks, carnivals, parks, or even better, come up with your own unique and fun ideas.
So in essence, while there are many factors to having a successful date, a great date idea really helps you do many of them naturally! Remember, where you take a woman on a first date can be the difference between a great night and a dating disaster! Choose wisely!
To read more dating tips by Michael Webb click here.
Posted by Jessica Watts at 1:14 PM
Photo by: Nicouf
How to Say those Three Little Words
by Cucan Pemo
So you've met the man of your dreams. Your heart sings, your pulse races, you walk around all moony-eyed and have trouble thinking about anything but him. You want to tell him that you love him, and that you think that he's The One, but you don't want to seem clingy - or worse, scare him off.
We've all heard horror stories about one partner telling the other that they love them and then getting the "thanks, but no thanks" response.
Maybe you've experienced it yourself, adding to your fears. So how do you tell him that you love him without coming off like a creepy stalker?
1) Choose the right place and the right time.
Think hard about when and where you want to tell him. If you're worried that he won't respond with enthusiasm, it helps to be prepared. Maybe you'd like to tell him on the anniversary of when you met, or at the place you first kissed, or over dinner at your favorite restaurant. Set the stage for romance and he'll respond more positively.
2) Make it romantic.
Candlelight and music work on men just as well as they work on women. Wear something that you know he likes to see you in, ply him with his favorite meal, and get him in a romantic mood.
3) Make sure you can back it up.
Before you blurt out "I love you," tell him what you appreciate about him. Compliment him and tell him what it is about him that you really like. Tell him how wonderful he makes you feel when you're together and why you value your relationship. Be sincere, and be specific. Let him know that you value him for the many things that make him unique and special.
4) Consider the type of person he is.
If he's a fun-loving, casual type, setting up a full-scale romantic assault may actually make him feel more nervous than passionate. He might respond better if you slip "I love you" into a conversation over a picnic lunch, or while laughing at one of your favorite movies.
By the time you get to expressing your love, you should know him pretty well - so pick a time and a place that will be most comfortable for him.
5) Share it, don't demand it.
You want to tell him how you feel, not blackmail him into saying it back. He may not be ready to say it yet, and if he feels pressured he'll resent you for it. And no matter what you do, never blurt it out as part of an argument. Screeching, "But I love you!" isn't romantic, it's disturbing and selfish.
6) Take the coward's way out.
If you can't bring yourself to flat-out say "I love you," try a less pressure-filled way of saying the same thing. "I love having your arms around me," "I love how you look in that shirt" and "I really love the way your eyes twinkle when you smile" are smaller declarations and a good way to gauge his feelings.
7) Don't say it while under the influence.
A glass of wine may give you the courage to say those three little words, but several glasses of wine will just make you sloppy and silly. Besides, think of the message you're sending him if it looks like you had to get drunk to tell him you love him! Do it while sober, so both of you know that you mean exactly what you say.
8) Be prepared for the worst.
No matter how much you fantasize about him saying "I love you" back, Don't place all your hopes on it. He may not be ready. Worse, he may not feel the same way about you. Saying "I love you" should be a gift from you to him, not a demand to reciprocate - and if you pin all your hopes on him responding in exactly the way you've imagined, you may very well be disappointed.
Have a back-up plan in place in case he doesn't return your feelings - know in advance that you may end up crying into your pillow or sitting up late with a girlfriend grousing about your broken heart. If he says "I love you back," that's great. But if he doesn't, it'll go better fo you if you've already prepared yourself for that possibility.
Above all, remember that saying "I love you" doesn't really change anything. While it may be the ending to every romantic movie, exchanging those words doesn't mean happily ever after. It just means that you're moving into a slightly different phase of your relationship - there's still a lot to share with each other, and who knows what joys and challenges lie ahead?
To read more information by Cucan Pemo click here.
Posted by Jessica Watts at 1:58 PM
Lured Suitors by Checks & Personal Cards
Yesterday while sitting in my dentist office I learned a new way to connect with people. Her name was Mary and the two of us were waiting to be drilled by the dentist.
Like always when a captive person is in my proximity I ask questions in the hope of gaining new information concerning the dating process. So I asked my waiting companion if she would be willing to tell me how she meets persons that are of interest to her. And with little hesitation she replied by paying for things by check or giving them my personal card.
Carried Two Check Books
I replied that I understand how the personal card works but how do persons of interest to you detect your interest when you give them a check. She said I carry two different check books one is for regular transactions and the other checks contain words that indicate I’m interested in them and suggest they call me and see if a mutual feeling might be cultivated between them.
Please Contact if Interested
And without hesitation she volunteered to allow me to view the enticing check in question. And in clear view at the top of the check were the following words. I sense a feeling of interest if mutual please call or email me. And then she would denote on check carbon copy who she gave the check to for future reference.
She volunteered the fact that giving out checks of this kind didn’t happen a lot and only a small percentage of those receiving her special check returned her interest by contacting her. But she said she’s now seeing one of the check receivers and things are going well for them.
Pointed Out Top of Check
Oh and I failed to mention that when she gave someone one of her special checks she would always suggest they read the top of the check before she exited their presence.
I thanked her for her kindness in sharing and then the nurse beckoned me in for a long over due cleaning.
Once again the ball is in your court and making a connection requires action on your part.
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 9:40 AM
Photo by: pixienicki
Getting Your Ex to Return Your Call
by TW (T Dub) Jackson
Are there 'magic' words you can use to get your ex to return your phone calls? Sounds hard to believe but there ARE words that will nearly cast a spell and make your ex feel almost compelled to return your call.
I am going to share this with you because this is one of the biggest questions I get from the over 35,000 subscribers just like you that are trying to put their relationship back together.
So I am going to answer..."How do I get my ex to return my phone call, text or IM?"
In the Magic Of Making Up, I lay out a complete strategy. If you use this technique alone, without an 'overall' plan or strategy...you may damage your relationship more than if they never returned your call.
What NOT to Say!
Before we get into the actual words, let's go over what message almost NEVER works and worse...
Puts you in an AWFUL 'psychological' position. These usually fall into 2 categories.
The PLEAD- Where the message sounds like "John, please, please call me. This is the 3rd time I have called. I HAVE to talk to you."
And the EMERGENCY- "Cindy, this is an emergency. Please call me as soon as you get this." Now, I think you can see what is wrong with both of those approaches?
So, I won't go on and on...
How To Use Curiosity & Self Interest To Your Advantage
And here's the BIG SECRET!
When you combine the two, you have a recipe that WILL work 'magic'
Let's look at what you can say that works nearly EVERY TIME.
me. Call me because I want to thank you in person."
Do you see how that uses BOTH curiosity and self interest?
John will NOT be able to resist! "What did I do?", "What does she appreciate?" he will be thinking. And he feels good because it is a positive message.
Please have an underlying strategy like I lay out in the Magic Of Making Up System BEFORE you call.
What I am saying is...
What you do before, during and after you get them to return your call is MORE important than getting them to return your call.
Make sense? Have a PLAN!
To read more information from TW Jackson click here.
Posted by Jessica Watts at 1:02 PM