Stop Looking & Just Live

The Best way to find a Date is Stop Looking

I went thru a phase when dating was my number one priority. Guess what it didn’t work and to make things worse having all my focus on dating deprived me of living. I would go to places that supposedly would contain females that were looking for me. I guess the great planner of all things forgot to enter my name as a contestant in the I’m ready to meet the greatest kisser in the world.

I Gave Up

After spinning my wheels for one month I finally shackled myself in my apartment and decided to give up women, move into a cave and drink beer till the cows come home. And you know that? When I stopped looking fate was about to teach me a lesson. At the time I was the resident manager of the apartment complex I was living in. I always considered if I was seven sheets to the wind, I should avoid answering the phone and not respond to someone knocking on the door. I guess I was only at a six when the doorbell rang. I responded and opened the door before stood the nicest girl my blurry eyes could make out. She in an excited voice said something about water running in her Grand Mothers apt. I followed her and found water running down the wall in her granny’s apt. I said something and used the stairwell up one flight and knocked on the apt door over her granny’s place. An equally attractive girl opened the door and allowed me to view the bathroom, which showed water running over the sink and onto the floor. The girl said she was filling the basin with water so she could wash a few undies. The phone rang and distracted her from the sink and waala water run over and that caused the big fuss. I retrieved the buildings commercial water vac and sucked up all the water I could.

A Sick Pack Was My Reward

Both girls apologized and couldn’t say thank you enough to me. By this time I’m back at four sheets and looking forward to working myself back up to at least six sheets to the wind again. First I jumped in the shower and then dosed myself with smell better spray cologne. I recovered myself with my favorite shorts and holey shirt. With beer in one hand and the tv controller in the other all was well again. My clean hinny know more then hit its favorite chair cushion when the doorbell rang again. Some how with both items of pleasure still in my control I managed to open the door. The first girl was back again and this time waved a six-pack at me. And then spoke welcomed words to me may I join you? Three beers later six sheets to the wind she left and I had her phone number.

A Note and I Said Yes

Two days later I found a note under my door. I’m Jena and I’m the girl that caused all the water to leak the other day. May I make amends by buying you dinner tonight? I dialed her number and said yes.

They Found Me

I don’t want to bore you with the details but that was a good event that happened in my life. And guess what? It didn’t require me to be in the dating mode. The minute I proclaimed myself free of looking things looked up for me.

Lesson Stop Looking, Just Be Yourself

Eventually I found the love of my life and even then I wasn’t engaged in the dating mode. Maybe you might become more successful like me by just being yourself and stop looking. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill

photo by sayhedgehog


Use Only Gentle Words

The first Hurdle to Dating is to over come your Mouth

Our mouth is like a separate part of are body and frequently utters words before thinking about them. I’m not suggesting we censor everything we say before we speak. But we could cease to use certain phases that present us as faulty individuals. When ones is in the dating mode your best first impression will go a long way in producing a possible date for you.

Avoid Saying Bad Things

During my last two years of High School I frequently guyed around with six or so individuals. During our time together we developed phrases that we used between ourselves and it wasn’t good stuff to use around girls. Because some of the phrases would directly or indirectly impact adversely on a person of the opposite sex. Yes I must confess it was childish and didn’t portray girls as individuals. And their body parts were frequent points of discussion.

Girls have Similar Phrases about Us

Thought I never participated with a group of girls I’m sure similar activities were happening during their gatherings together.

Changing Partners always created Negative Responses

When dating couples would break up there responses about each other would easily fall in the negative area of discussion. And so the journey grows.

learn to Control Your Words

The sooner we all learn the value of words and how they affect the quality of our life, the sooner we start making progress in the dating and matting game. Now don’t get me wrong I’m no angel and I have many regrets I would love to take back if I could. But at least I have gained some degree of control over the words that leave my mouth. Sometimes when my control is challenged I raise my voice but the words are still civil. Not so with a couple that exploded while I was walking with one of my grand children. At first they seemed to be ok and then both of them just went ballistic and hurled numerous unkind words at each other. Even a block away I could still make out the words of hostility they showered each other with.

If you Use Them You will Abuse Them

If we use a bad collection of words, it’s just a matter of time before they slip out and dilute our opportunity to hold hands with someone.

Dating & Surviving Requires Gentle Words

Dating is a very precious thing and should be guided with gentle words that will bring two souls closer together. And know matter how long it takes keep dating till cupid’s arrow finds you. That’s how I feel and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill

photo by rileyroxx

During Date Avoid Talking About This Stuff

Taboo Subjects for the First Date

Avoid the X Stuff

If you talk about your x spouse mate, you will do so at your own peril. Your date will instantly classify you as a baboon and drop your carcass off at the nearest recycling bin.

Don't Talk just to Talk

Babbling just to fill the vacant space in the conversation, should also be avoided. Sometimes just looking at your prey (and I use this word in the kindest of ways) can convey more information then just words. Looking at someone and consuming their presence, is a very faltering thing. Enough babble let’s get back on point.

Don't Offer Requirements

It’s best to avoid, telling your date, your requirements for a love partner. This kind of dialog will not produce a positive climate for moving closer to each other.

Don't Talk about Yourself

Please and I say this with the utmost force, avoid talking about yourself. I say this, because there really is, no you at this juncture of the dating process. Their only concern at this point is how they feel. Let me, put this another way; their only thinking at this juncture, is all about their desires, hopes and dreams. Now don’t get mad, about what I’m saying. I’m just giving the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Right now, you are both completely into yourselves. So whether you have faith in what I’m saying or not, don’t talk about yourself. If you do, you will be the only person listening. If you persist your dating partner, will plot a plan, to exit your company.

Avoid Sex Encounter Talk

Revealing your sex history will not impress your dating companion. Be wise and smack yourself if thoughts like this creep into your mind. In this day of aids, etc. no one in their right mind would consider having sex with you. Your words would brand you, a high-risk sex partner. As TV Phil would say, how would that work out for you?

Avoid Controversial Subjects

It’s a good rule of thumb to avoid topics like, abortion, religion and etc. These types of topics are too serious for dating conversation. If you talk about this stuff and you’re not of the same mind, you will instantly peg each other as not compatible with each other. Needless to say, this would instantly kill any opportunity for creating a love connection. Its better to let serious subjects arise after developing a good mate connection. When we develop a better connection we are more inclined to over look differences with each other.

Keep It Simple

Hopefully you’re getting my drift concerning the first date. Keep the first date simple and keep serious matters for a later date. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Don L. Terrill

photo by Son of...

Wait for Love Its Worth It.

Love Versus Rejection

The choice is yours to make. Yes rejection hurts. You read and here the stories everyday of those who have fallen prey to the forces of rejection. But the alternative is unthinkable. I can't imagine a life without love. For me it's the number one reason, I decide to breath every day. I don't just like love, I live to love. If I lost my love, I would spend the rest of my life trying to find it. Love is not just important to me. It is everything to me. So rejection to me would merely be a bump in the road. It would merely be a mountain to climb and would not impede, that which I sought to find.

What Glitters isn't always Gold

I like many, sought love, but was blinded by a replica. It seemed like the real thing, but it wasn't. I stand naked before those who judge people who get divorced. Yes both my first wife and I approached our union with optimistic anticipation. Our endeavor failed because that which bonded us together, wasn't really love. Were not given the true knowledge of love, at birth. Love is something that is learned, thru example, trial and error.

The Best of Intentions isnt always Love

I mention my divorce only as example of how the best of intentions, can sour by poor preparation and failing to recognize, what true love, really feels like.

Wait for the Right Person

My second marriage has proved to be just the opposite. This time I waited for the right person, to come along. Since we had both been married before, we entered this marriage with our eyes opened and our feelings highly focused on feelings of love. Since our feelings for each other were in harmony, we moved on to the final stage of our commitment to marriage. We discussed and handled all major issues, which most couple leave to handle after they get married. We left no stone unturned. We started our second marriage fifteen years ago and our love remains as strong, as it was then.

Rejection is Better then a Divorce

So don't take rejection personally. Just because someone doesn't connect with you, doesn't mean you're a bad person. It just means the magic wasn't there, so shake it off like a bad dream and continue to hammer the numbers game.

Here's the deal, if you don't do the math, you would reap the rewards. So finding love is a lot like going thru a tunnel and there is a light at the other end.

So Tunnel on and Beam in the Light of Greatness.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The Love Guru

photo by Ingorrr

Get People to Date for You

Create a Net work of Date Helpers

This can be anyone, who you know. If possible select people who have a vested interest in helping you. For example, but not limited to, your immediate family members. Those immediately around you have probable the most to gain by helping you find a loving mate. If your like most people, looking for a soul mate, your probable at very least, moderately unhappy with your current status on the dating scale of success. Here’s the bottom-line. When your happy everyone else in your vicinity, receives better vibes from you and good vibes are greatly appreciated by all.

Searching for Applicants

Think of yourself as an employer, who is looking to fill a job opening you have. The job position is called a soul mate. Your job description is as follows. A person who is a friend, you happen to love. Previous experience considered, but not required.

Feel First and Taste Later

So as you wonder thru your daily routine, listen to your Date Helpers and continue to encourage them, to make appointments for you. You will then interview and select possible candidates, for level two considerations. Your level one considerations will meet what I refer to as, the feeling test. Simply put, you liked how you felt about them, during your first meeting. I strongly suggest, this be your only first requirement for moving on to level two, for your consideration. If you add more requirements, then just how you feel your going to contaminate the process and greatly reduce you chances of success, in selecting a future soul mate. So place a note on your computer, feel first and taste later. This is the number one rule, for selecting a loving soul mate for life.

Observe Loving People

All level two candidates may now be questioned, handled and pursued with vigor. Your ultimate goal is to find a love mate for life. Question one you must ask yourself now. Do you know what loves feels like? And here’s just a little personal advice from me. You must answer what you know, not what you think it is. Here’s my lip ness test for really knowing what love is. Love only produces love. Only a small percent of the human race understands this concept. If you are fortunate to be one of these seekers of love, I applaud your greatness of comprehension and wish you well on the greatest journey of your life. If on the other hand, your still asking the same question, what does love feel like? Ask those people around who demonstrate by their actions, they know the answer. Thru this process you will find that, which you seek. Nothing demonstrates love more then, a loving family. So become a love under stander and love will find you. Love is a lot like a cat, it purrs but never claws. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

That’s how I feel & that’s that.

Don L. Terrill

photo by Saadia Malik

Beware Some Daters Have an Agenda

Dating should be a Safe Place for Women

The Dating Game should be a safe place, where love prevails and good triumphs over evil. This illusion only exists in the fairy tale world. In the real world you must always be on guard against those, who would suck the last penny out of your bank account. If you let the word love consume your better judgment, you are placing a sign on your forehead, which says. I'm an easy mark, please take all my money.

Beware of Scammers

Scammers are by nature bottom feeders, they have no conscious. They will take that, which required a life time to make and have no remorse, for what they have done. They are in my opinion the scum of the earth. They have no social redeeming quality. When discovered, they should be squashed like a bug and left to be vaporized by the rising sun.

Here are some tips, that will help you spot a scammer:
  1. They tell you, your beautiful. But your mirror tells you that's not true.
  2. They love your food, even when it sucks.
  3. They constantly mention how slim you are, when your really fat.
  4. They will scam you with a trash bucket full of love words, which if you buy, will eventually transfer your money to their account.
  5. They will become like a mirror and reflect to you, the image you want to see.
  6. Their trickery will lull you into a false sense of security and when that happens, they will reel you in like a fish. You wont, even see it coming.
If you receive any compliments like the above. You might want to consider hiding your money, even from yourself. I'm suggesting this, because these dudes have fine tuned their presentations. Which almost always work. They are truly masters of their craft.

See the Warning Signs? Hide the Cash

If any man, has performed any of the above stuff. Place yourself on alert, for the following warning comments from him. In the next paragraph, I will play the role of the scammer. Your attention here, may save your heart from being broken. Should you buy into the baloney, you will never see your money again. Even if they catch the perpetrator, I assure you the money will be gone and no amount of effort, on your part, will bring it back. Those who scam almost always live to the limit of their stealing. Thus, when you catch them, they will have no money to repay you with.

Here's a Pitch

Im now going to play the part of a scammer. This will give you a clear picture how the process works. Lets imagine, I meet you at one of your church events. I would gain your attention and introduce myself. I would indicate to you, that I'm looking to buy a house in the area and could you possibly recommend a good realtor. More then likely, you would know one and suggest same to me. During this meeting, I would also depict myself as a God loving person.

He will Select You if you appear to have Money

My first goal would be to determine, whether you have any money. I would then begin one of the oldest scams in the world. Its called baiting and hooking. Its relates to fishing and in this particular situation, you are the fish and he is the fisher.

Parents Passed and Left Him the House

I'm going to tell you that my parents died and left me the family homestead. Then I would casually mention that my intention is to sell the house. I would indicate that a modest amount of improvement would be required before I put the house on the market. I would then ask you what improvements from a women's perspective, would more likely increase the selling price. I would at this point show you pictures of the house, both inside and out. I acquired these pictures, while pretending to be a perspective buyer. I would pick the house that suited my presentation. This house would have been one with outdated bathrooms / kitchen. Your probably going to suggest I consider renovating both baths / kitchen. You might also recommend, that I paint the entire house inside and out. Whatever your suggestions are, these renovations would involve spending money.

Would Sell You a Story of Whow

In time perhaps days later I would skillfully display a great deal of remorse, that I had so abused my credit that the lending institutions would not approve my application for a loan. I would with tears in my eyes reveal behavior on my part that ruined my credit. I would tell you that receiving Jesus as my savior turned my life around. But only time and good conduct, would improve my credit rating. I would tell you, that numerous lending institutions have informed me, that I needed to stay the course for two more years and then, they would reconsider my loan application.

When You Offer to Help Your Hooked

My next goal is to get you to offer to help me. I would never ask you for the money directly, that would ruin the scam. If I stay to my game plan, You will will probably take the bait and I will reel you in. You will offer to help me. I will of course flatly reject your offer of help.

I Would Sign Loan Agreement which gives you a Profit of the sale

I would in time accept your loving offer. I of course would insist on signing a notarized document spelling out in great detail the schedule I will follow in repaying this loan. I would even insist of you receive a percent of the money I acquire from selling the house. I would do this to reinforce my total commit to repaying this loan.

Once I get the money I would convert same into cash. I would then initiate my exit plan. So don't be a fish and have your heart broken.

These are my thoughts and I live by them. Love Rules & That's That.

Don L. Terrill

Photo by Ctd 2005

Dating Is a Numbers Game

Dating for Success

Don't set any requirements for who you will date. If you do this you may actually deny yourself the opportunity to meet a possible soul mate. If you’re like most people, you probably don't have a clue what you’re looking for in a person. Selecting a person for consideration is a lot like buying a car; you’re never going to truly know how you feel, until you take it for a spin.

Numbers Game

Remember this is a numbers game the more people you meet the greater your chance for success. So hang in there and keep the game plan moving forward meet, meet, meet etc. If you don’t do the meet, you wont get the treat. Treat for those lacking sophistication is a metaphor for Love.

What are your Feelings during this Meeting?

Your first encounter with each contestant is for looking, touching and sniffing only. No I do not mean sniffing literally. What I mean is you must allow these three senses to kick in and give you feed back, indicating whether this person is a viable candidate for a second run at the brass ring. For those lacking information about the Brass Ring I will elaborate about same. When Merry Go Rounds were in their infancy the owner or operator of the Merry Go Round would strategically locate a Brass Ring with in reach of patrons ridding the outside horses (traditionally there would be three rows of horses outside, middle and inside.) Once the ride got up to speed the ring would become available and the outside riders would attempt to grab the ring. Winners received some prize, which normally was a future free ride on the Merry Go Round.

Short Lunch Check your Feelings

Your second meeting should be short in duration like lunch during a working day. This limits your exposure to each other. The logic here is you may decide to terminate this person as a candidate. Harsh perhaps, but totally necessary because if its not working for you, move on to the next candidate. Wasting time on a maybe is just wasting your time and their time. So do the right thing, terminate or levitate yourself up from your seat and exit the door running. I trust you get my drift.

Don't keep for a Maybe

Do not leave any one dangling, just to fill the void while your looking for your true love. If you practice this method, you are a scoundrel of the highest magnitude. Anyway being a good person gains you a speedier method thru the Golden Gates. I know this because; The Bible rules and you can take that to the bank.

Now is the time to evaluate how you feel, cut thru the crap and just focus on what your feelings are telling you, about this person

If you are in tune with your feelings and they are telling you, this person feels good. Then move on to your next get together. Maybe a walk in the park or if the weather doesn't permit, try the mall. They always have places, where you can sit and talk. During this meeting, you might want to watch, your companions demeanor towards you. Do they seem interested in what your saying? Also do they seem eager to touch you? These are good signs that all is going well.

Thoughts to Ponder

Listening rather then talking would be preferable. Also leaning slightly towards someone indicates you are interested in what they are saying. It is always better to get to know the person first, before you probe for more information, about them. Like kids etc. It is always better to get to know the person first, before you probe for more information, about them. Like kids etc. Keep sex at bay for a while, it has a tendency, to complicate your sense of good judgment. In other words, don't confuse sex with love. Sex may drive you to high levels of enjoyment, but that doesn't mean, you’re in love.

Be Honest with Yourself

If you fail to be honest with yourself, about how you feel, you will make the whole process a sham and ultimately will not be unhappy with your selection. The road to happiness and a lasting relationship is riddled with those, who failed to follow their true feelings. Never buy into the assumption, that time will improve, how you feel about someone. Its better to be guided by how you currently feel, then to invest on, how you might feel in the future. Its like gambling, it hardly ever works.

Love & Control are not the Same

Never confuse love with control. If they say, my controlling you, is my way of keeping you safe, hit the bricks running, because control is all about control and nothing about love. Remember your ultimate goal is to find a friend, that you happen to love.

Negotiate the your Thoughts

Once you have selected your future mate, negotiate the rules, under which you will live. For example, if theirs children involved, how are they going to be handled and etc. Don't be afraid to handle the tough issues. Look at it, this way. Its better to clarify now and still have the option to opt out, if it doesn't work out.

Final Thought that Rules all Thoughts

Final rule if love isn't the number one reason, you’re getting together, jump ship and thank God you came to your senses and then pat yourself on the back, for being so smart.

This is my thought and I live by it. Love Rules & That’s That

Don L. Terrill

photo by morbuto


A Brother Elk Promoted Me

Love at First Sight

It all started when I was enjoying a beer with one of my Elk Brothers at the Lodge. Brother Charlie suggested I meet this young lady he knew, who was a friend of his girl friend. He gave me her number and indicated he would let her know I was going to call.

First Meeting

But before I made that call fate beat me to the punch. I was selling Polish Hot Dogs for our Lodge at a local festival. Brother Charlie motivated by a little Jack Daniels was playing the crowd and suggesting they purchase a polish savage on a bun and get it blessed by our clubs chaplain, which happened to be me. Linda my future wife took him up on his offer and purchased a Polish Sausage and told me that Charlie said I would bless it for her. I blessed it for her and she walked off. To this day I remember the encounter but don't remember seeing her face I only remembered the words she spoke to me.

Called Her

A few days after the Festival I called her on the phone and told her who I was. She hesitated for a few moments and finally said who are you? I a little taken back because she didn't recognize my name I said are you Charlie's friend? She said yes and apologized for not recognizing my name. She said she had recently received many phone calls from people who were trying to get in touch with someone who shared her first name. She thought I was one of those people.

Had Lunch

Needless to say we survived the phone call and both agreed to lunch the following Sunday. I pushed her door bell and the door opened and it was love at first sight for me. We had lunch at a local restaurant and I enjoyed every moment with her. I'm not sure if I can tell you what we talked about, but I can tell you one thing for sure I was totally consumed by her presence. It was like I was some place I have never been before.

On One Knee

Three months later I got down on one knee and asked Linda to marry me she said yes and that was the most joyous moment in my life.

So do I believe in Love at First Sight? You Bet.

Don L. Terrill

photo by pedrosimoes7