Probably Closer Then You Think
How do I find someone? And where are they? The first answer is try and the second is everywhere. I know you would rather I be a tad more specific but that isn’t how finding someone works. Being more specific would require skills of a fortuneteller or a person who gives readings. I have experienced two such people in my lifetime. What I was told by each person rang true to me. A gypsy fortuneteller told me when I was fifteen that I would attempt to join the marines just before my 18th birthday but before signing I would be asked to do something else. A person who gives readings told me exactly what I was currently doing, who I was dating and who controlled my life. Both predictions were right on point. I’m not pro or con on the subject just merely giving you the facts, so you be the judge.
Were Listening With Hope in Mind
I think all to often-such persons merely tell us what we want to hear. And that’s the art of manipulation and not really reading the future. I’m on the fence on this subject.
Just Interact and Wait for Results
If this method seems questionable to you or it hasn’t worked maybe reality should be considered. Maybe the answers are easy as look and everywhere. I’m sure you’re like me and would rather have someone do this for you. If the truth were know most people find their mate by just wondering through life and it’s like you run into each other. I honestly believe and have backed this up by talking to couples who say the same thing. They all say that finding someone was driven by other forces rather then by themselves. Most said they were not even looking at the time. Nor did they recognize the first advance someone made towards them. That’s probably why so many people get hit by cars they’re just not looking. Maybe this not looking is a good thing for us. If were not looking maybe were just enjoying life and that perhaps makes us more ready to engage other people on a lower level of communication and aren’t thinking whether or not they might be candidates for dating. Maybe through this blindness we find value we were not looking for and grade people by their inners and not by the way they look or etc.
Don't Jump to Conclusions
Maybe we should not judge a book by its cover and read the pages first. Covers are for gaining your attention, but pages tell the story. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by Antikris
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 9:48 AM
Dating to Win
Last night I watched skaters pin all their hopes and dreams on winning and standing tall on the presentation podiums. At first I felt happy for those who won. Then I felt some sadness for those who tried so hard and for so long to achieve their goal. But then I came to my senses and realized that everyone there was already a winner because they tried there best and doing your best makes you a winner every time.
Hang in There
Success should be judged by each step of the journey and each step should be considered a success. Making the goal more important then the journey is judging yourself entirely by the goal and that can lead to a sense of failure and that if promoted will affect your step achievements in the future. We all hang to many of our hopes on achieving a certain goal. If you do this you may never in your mind be successful at anything. Stop thinking of success as the goal and focus your attention on the steps and judge yourself by the steps you take because in reality each step is a success and that is better then achieving a particular goal.
Keep Moving Your Heart Will Tell You When to Stop
I think we all should have a focus on our future and how we see it. But life doesn’t always take us were we want to go and nor should it. I see life as a road map what shows roads going in all directions. Sometimes we drive north but end up going south. Does that make your a failure no, it just means you changed your mind. The truth of the matter is this. You’ll never know the value of something till you experience it. Then and only then will your feelings tell you what you really feel about something.
Always Be Proud of Your Trying
Judging yourself on your present situation is really being unfair to yourself. I know this because sometimes I do this to myself. But then I think of my achievements and take pride in my successes. I also sometimes forget to judge myself by looking at myself only and not on the status of others. We all have journeys and all these life experiences contain successes that we all should remind ourselves of.
Happiness Will Be Your Reward
Dating and finding the right person for you is a lot like climbing to the top of the Empire State building using one of their stairwells. Each floor represents a new person to meet and that’s a success, because you’re trying. Your goal will be achieved when you reach the right floor and you life partner is waiting for you.
Remember failures are part of the journey and success is each step of the way. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by ewen and donabel
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 8:13 PM
Dancing Promotes the Sniffing Process
During my nineteen years as a bachelor after my divorce. I frequently engaged in activities that involved mingling with the opposite sex. On this one particular occasion I was enjoying a beer at a local pub when in walked a friend of mine. During our conversation he indicated that he was helping this lady put on dance classes, which involved all forms of dancing. Before he left he gave me a free pass to one of their sessions at a local VFW Lodge. First I said ok but really had no desire to take up dancing. My footwork sucked to say the least.
Got Time Open on Sunday?
On Sunday I was lying around and trying to conger up something to do, when I noticed the ticket on the kitchen counter. I picked up the ticket and noticed Sunday was the day and it started at six pm. I thought to myself it beats sitting home talking to myself. I arrived at the lodge five minutes before seven and the place was packed. There were at least two women for each man. The ages of the people ranged from probably fifteen to sixty five. I signed in and gave the greeter my ticket.
I Smiled Inwardly at My First Squeeze
My friend noticed me and waved hello. Then the lady instructor called the people to order and asked them to form four lines facing her. This day they were teaching the Saturday Night Fever dance which was made popular by John Travolta. Two others and I being newbie’s were instructed to watch the others dancing and pick up what you could. Eventually we danced in pairs and switched from partner to partner. During this routine I noticed that one person squeezed my hand more tightly and warmly then the other partners I had. The session ended and I went home.
Dancing Forces Looking at Each Other
The next Sunday I paid my dues and became a regular. For three months I danced my heart out and met more girls then I thought possible by just doing one thing dancing. When someone squeezed my hand I returned the gesture and one thing lead to another. It was a simple thing to do but boy did it work. I probable danced on and off for three years didn’t learn much about dancing but I sure learned an easy way to meet girls. In time I became the initiator and squeezed first. Not all girls responded by squeezing back, but when they did I was on point and enjoying more dates then one person could handle.
Let Your Fingers Find the Places
If your looking to meet someone may I suggest you try dancing. Here in North Carolina the latest craze is the Shag. If your interested in taking some dance classes check with one of the private clubs like Elks, Moose or a VFW. If that doesn’t provide a dance class try the church route. Many churches allow many such activities to help promote their facility and teaching to the public.
So How Do You Feel
If you do take my advice pay attention to how the ladies hold your hands. If the hand feels tight and warm you might be experiencing a connection with the one your dancing with. Touching by holding hands is a great way to feel how someone feels about you. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by Joe Shlabotnik
Its All About Just Looking
My one doctor has a huge puzzle in his front lobby. I think its to distract patients from their problem by diverting their attention to something else. The degree of difficulty for this puzzle is huge because most of the parts are one color. On this particular visit I watched a half a dozen people try to make a match and no one was successful. Some of the patients wouldn’t even try. There comment was it looked too hard or they have already tried and given up.
It Will Be About a Perfect Fit
We are the most informed people who have ever walked on the face of the earth. We excel in all aspects of life except in choosing the correct mate for ourselves. The divorce rate is at an all time high and shows little hope of going down.
The Second One Fit
I have tried marriage twice. My first marriage was a total disaster but did produce two incredible sons. My second marriage was a perfect match for both of us and we don’t really work at it and that’s the beauty of it.
I Thought Creating the Picture Was Love
I was twenty-one when I got married the first time and my goal was to have a family and live happily ever after. It was a dream that I sought to fulfill when I was a young boy growing up. You see I never had the joy of being part of a family. In my beginning years I was raised by my Grandfather, Uncle and Housekeeper. I remember walking the streets at night and seeing families though their windows and imagined how happy they were.
I Didn't Know the Real Thing
The night before I got married my adopted Father asked me if I knew what I was doing. I said yes. Boy was that an understatement. I knew what I wanted but didn’t know what I was doing. The marriage lasted a little over two years and produced the greatest heartache I have ever experienced in my life.
She Felt Right
But time healed the heartache and in time I started dating but always kept my guard up and wouldn’t let anyone get too close. I enjoyed dating but didn’t seem to want to take it to a higher level. Then one day through a friend I met the love of my life. There was nothing about her that I did not like. We dated for a short period of time and then I asked her to marry me she said yes. Both of us were surprised it happened so fast.
We Selected Our Roles
Before we did the legal thing we discussed in great detail what are thoughts were on matters. We decided it would work better for us if I moved in with her. We both wanted to handle our own money but agreed to contribute equally to the cost of living together. She only had one bathroom; I wanted another bathroom so I installed it myself in the remodeled side of the basement. Her two young son helped me accomplished that in a short period of time. Both of my sons were no longer under my guidance. One was living with his Grand Parents and the other moved out of town. I told my wife to be that I didn’t want to be a parent again. So we both agreed that she would solely be in charge of her boys and I would be considered a non-parent. That status worked out splendidly for me. The boys always knew they were in trouble when they came in the house and I was heading for the basement. You see I didn’t feel comfortable being present when the boys were being admonished for failing to follow the rules laid out by their Mother so I voluntarily exiled myself to the basement and waited till the all clear sign was displayed. Even today we laugh about me going to the basement and they knowing they were in trouble for some reason.
We Decided Where We Would Say I Do
We selected rings for each other and decided to get married at the courthouse and for go all the expense of walking down the isle since this was our second time around. When we arrived at the courthouse we were informed we needed to furnish two witnesses to make the whole process legal and binding. We commandeered two ladies living in a High-rise facility that I managed to witness are togetherness. The ladies were delighted to have the opportunity to help us out in our moment of need.
It Was Just About Us
We chose to keep out pending marriage private and tell others afterwards. Even our sons didn’t know what day we selected for our wedding day. Some of our friends gave us heck for not throwing a bash. We listened intently and then informed them that’s the way we wanted it. We didn’t feel that our love needed to be validated by anyone. We knew what felt for each other was the real thing and that was that.
Everything in our lives has changed except how we feel about each other. That which bonded us on our wedding day is still holding us together today. And its still as easy today as it was then.
Almost Doesn't Do It
Finding the right person is not like playing horseshoes, which gives a player points for getting closer to the metal stake in the ground. Finding the right person requires finding the right person and anything else just wont be the right person for you. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by phil schatz
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 7:51 AM
Meeting & Scouting Works
I remember when my sons were growing up and I tried to be actively involved in things that they enjoyed. Cub scouting was one of those activities, at least for my youngest son. The boys would meet at my house and we would carry out projects and activities that were spelled out in the scouting handbook. I had six boys in my group. All of the boys were from divorced parents. Most of the times the boys were delivered to the meeting by their Mothers and that proved to be very interesting to me.
It Help Me Grow
When I took over for the gentlemen who was experiencing an illness my soul purpose was to help till he returned to the job. Little did I know that not only would the boys learn something but so would I.
Mothers Would Call Me
The Mothers from time to time would seek my advice on how to deal with their sons. I guess they thought I had some special training that gave me insight in helping boys and their parents deal with the daily problems that exist when your involved in raising children. So I would get phone calls that would allow the mothers to air there concerns about there lives and how there children were acting. I was a great listener and hardly shared a thought. I guess people just needed someone to listen while they talked. I guess that’s a good thing because they the Mothers talked a lot and didn’t hesitate to share their personal challenges to me. Like I said I hardly spoke a word and they always thanked me for being so helpful to them and there son. I would always say your welcome and please feel free to call anytime and my thoughts are with you and your son through these difficult times in raising children.
Was Asked Out
Then one day while I was talking on the phone to one of the Mothers, she asked it would be ok if she asked me out for a sandwich at the local pub, so she could talk face to face with me. I was surprised she asked and said yes if that would be helpful to her. We met and quickly developed a dating relationship. I was never really personal but it was fun and I enjoyed talking, listening and being with her.
The Boys & I Connected
In time I connected with another Mother who only lived two blocks from where I lived. She was a tad more up front and came right out and said she was very much interested in me. She said her son always talked about me and how kind I was in showing him how to do things. It turned out that the boys in my group were promoting me to their Mothers and that was very helpful to me. Not only did I enjoy being with the boys but I also enjoyed meeting the Mothers on a different level. I think my being a good listener was one of my best selling points. I think were all just dying to have someone listen to us and strangely enough I enjoyed playing that part. Maybe I should have been a priest because they are good listeners too.
I Offered a Friendly Ear
This scouting involvement gave me a great deal of insight into the human experience and taught me that everyone likes and needs someone to share their thoughts with. So if I maybe so bold, be a good listener and maybe someone might ask you out for a sandwich and that meeting may produce a real date. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by opencontent
Because Were Clueless What to Do
We fail primarily because we don’t know what were doing. We use our senses but fail to use the one element all human beings have and that is how we feel. Two months ago my wife and I purchased an all most new car it was one year old. We had decided previously that we weren’t going to buy a new car because it just didn’t make sense to do that. Primarily because it losses ten to fifteen percent of its valve when you drive it off the lot. We took it for a ride and decided to purchase it. Before doing the deal the sales person who was a person we knew pointed out extras we had like a sliding roof and etc, which we didn’t even know we had. We negotiated a lower price and drove the car home.
Were not Paying Attention to Things
All was well for a while but then we acquired a slow leaking tire and one of the glove compartments wouldn’t close properly. We had same fixed and all was well again. I mentioned the extras, leaking tire and the compartment to point out the fact that we as humans don’t as a rule pay close attention to what were doing and because of this fail to observe things that will disappoint us in the future and we will have few options to correct these oversights.
We Don't Open Our Mind
Were just not good at paying attention and that hurts us later on. Now here’s the really down side to not paying strict attention to what were doing. We take this mentality and apply it to the most important things we will ever do in our life. Selecting a future mate for life requires strict attention to selecting someone and using the right criteria for making that decision.
Finding Value Requires Open Eyes
In buying things etc. you want to make sure the item will perform the task for which it is intended. If it won’t it’s worthless and will never work for you. The solution for this dilemma is to return the product and get your money back. This process doesn’t work as well with marrying someone and expecting to live in a loving relationship for ever after. Failing to make a well-informed decision here may give you a life of drudgery and a loveless relationship; and the fruit produced will be contaminated by the climate they live in. So it is critical that mating decisions be done by selecting the right criteria to make the best decision you can make before joining hands in holy matrimony.
If Your Feelings Don't Over Whelm You Count Till Sense Returns
In this particular situation you will want to turn off all your senses and make your decision on only one indicator and that is this. Now pay attention this is going to be the best information that you will ever receive on this subject matter. How does this person make you feel? Forget about everything else that’s influencing you. So back to the question how does the person make you feel? Now here’s the time you want to be brutally honest with yourself. If you’re not completely over whelmed with incredible feelings of joy your not mating with the correct person for you. Please don’t make the mistake I did the first time. My first marriage ended in disaster because I failed to be honest with myself and only saw what I wanted to see and that wasn’t real it was just make believe and make believe will never become the real thing.
It Only About Love
So please don’t be confused by what you see, looks are only showing you what the exterior looks like. Many people look good but that doesn’t mean they will be good for you. All these external attractions are like what you see at the circus, when every tent, ride and concession is up and running everything seems wonderful. Then in a few days the circus moves on and the only thing that is left is an empty field that only shows the ruts in the ground from vehicles pulling out to find another spot to set up their displays again.
Love Feelings Are Permanent
If your looking for the real thing first and foremost let your feelings do the walking before you make any commitments to anyone. If their right for you the feelings you feel will stand the test of time and will never change no matter what obstacles you will face.
So take it from one who knows. Only your feelings speak the truth to you. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by bettybraun
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 8:46 AM
A Common Goal, To Get Away
One time while being a free soul and constantly on the prowl for new faces to meet. I joined a ski group made up of people who wanted to learn the fine art of skiing. But during my tenure as one of there members we never suited up and slid down any hill side. I often wondered why that never happened. But we did however go on many bus trips and consumed large quantities of anything that contained alcohol in it. From the time you got on the bus and returned home the entire journey was sprinkled with little sleep, drinking and the fine art of too many people sleeping in the same room. It was like togetherness with extreme prejudice. For example maybe there were thirty people on the bus equally divided between girls and boys and there were two people assigned to each fifteen rooms. But madness prevailed and everyone before the last alcohol was consumed decided to sleep in two rooms only. And to my recollection there was no hanky panky going on. It was like everyone wanted to be together before the sand man showed up and the spell of sleep was granted to all of us. This particular trip was my first and I was impressed how kind everyone was to each other. I finally figured out what their gatherings were all about. The weekend trip was therapy for people who didn’t want to lay on a couch, they chose just to let themselves go and become a big family, which provided comfort for each other.
Paddled Into the Water
On this particular trip we were scheduled for two canoe trips. Names were drawn from a hat and canoe partners were selected. And as usual it was a combination of each sex in each canoe. My partner had never canoed before and had a fetish for not wanting to get her hair wet. I had canoed some but was by no means a hardened veteran. Everyone was told to secure their valuables in a plastic bag and somehow attach that bag to themselves. This was done in case the canoe capsized and a persons articles could be lost. Also the paddles, beer, food and dry clothing were tied securely to the canoe.
Started by Getting Wet
When my partner and I got in the boat I informed her not to grab any tree branches along the way because that might capsize the canoe. I was a small stream and there were many over hanging branches everywhere we went. Our journey of bliss only lasted about one minute when my companion ignored my warning and grabbed a branch. As I predicted the boat capsized and her hair got all wet. While in the water I grabbed her, the canoe and managed to stand up all at the same time. Mean while she was screaming she was going to drown. I gently at first suggested she stand up, when that didn’t work I grabbed her by her trouser belt and pulled her up. To her surprise she was only waist deep in the water. She violated her one desire and got her hair wet. She and I looked like harden veterans before that day was over.
Attacked by Would be Indians
I foolishly thought that the rest of our journey would be like going to Disney World boy did I have a surprise coming. Apparently there was a large college only two clicks from this one spot in the stream. At one point we had to make a hard left and if we didn’t paddle hard are canoe would have crashed into the shoreline. Apparently we didn’t try hard enough and as predicted we beached ourselves along with probably a dozen other canoes. The to our surprise we were startled by a raiding party of college Indians that jumped out of the bushes dressed as savages and turned over our canoes and absconded with some of our beer and etc. We lucked out and lost nothing thats because I spend more time then most securing same to the canoe.
A Contest to Show the Most
Then about one hour later we came across a gathering of college kids drinking, eating and having a wet shirt contest. I’m not sure if they were involved in our previous Indian attack and they protested no knowledge of same. But I did notice that some of their beer containers were wet. They allowed us to join them and a good time was had by all.
We Passed Boot Camp
Finally we climbed back into the bus and traveled home knowing well that we challenged the wild and we survived. This group participation made me many partial friends, some dates and we always laughed when we ran into each other. I was amazed to find out who these people were in the community. They were all hard working people who were either single or divorced.
It Gave Us Wellness
I guess therapy comes in many forms and this was one of them. No one got hurt, everyone had a good time and the therapy we received helped us all. And we shared our dreams and some even found more togetherness when they got off the bus. You never know what todays doing will give you tomorrow.
Don L. Terrill
photo by Savannah Grandfather
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 7:37 AM
Mull it Over First
My Dad was a kind of laid back person who liked to give due consideration to something before jumping head long into a project. He always went to a source of learning, which sometimes included a book or person. His goal was always to know where he was going before started going somewhere. On the surface he seemed a tad backward, but in reality he was always going forward. To him life was a journey of finding new friends and new ideas. He loved doing things but not just for the sake of doing them. He saw little value in going somewhere and paying someone to exercise. To him there was always something of valve to do that caused the brow to sweat.
Dad always said that talking something out first was the fastest way to get to the finish line. He never let a habit interfere with his desire to do something better. He loved finding different ways to do the same job. He took pride in his accomplishments and always shared his gratitude to those who performed good work. To him it didn’t matter if you sweep the floor or sat behind a big oak desk. To my Dad there were no black or white issues because he saw everyone for the value they represented by their words and deeds and not by some prejudice given them by those who raised them.
He Knew Who He Was
But don’t get me wrong my Father was no saint. He by his own words said he avoided sainthood because it required the thinking of a closed mind and that just didn’t work for him. My Fathers Father was a traveling minister who preached fire and brimstone with the dedication of a reformed drinker. According to my Dad his Father lived and died without knowing what the real world was all about. He said his Father was a hard man and hoped that dying was his journey to a kinder gentler place to live. I didn’t know my Dads Dad but I think passing over was a good thing for him, because he believed in the word and the word gave him flight.
Life Belongs to Us
Now that I’m older I see the futility of many things we do and think. But I see progress and that makes me see better things in our future. For centuries humans have lived and died because someone told us it was our destiny. Dad always said that faith has killed more people then any other one single idea in the universe.
Value People by Their Actions
Maybe we need to be more laid back and see the right and wrong of the words spoken to us. Then maybe the light of real meaning will encourage us to understand that love is not hate and the two will never mix, no matter how eloquent the speaker is.
Only Date Serious When You Know Their Goal
My Dad always taught me that everyone has an agenda and its best to know their true purpose before following their words. This especially applies to dating and mating. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by emme-dk
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 7:58 AM