You Don't Need Your Children's Approval to Date
I hear and see this process playing out, all to many times. I love my sons with all my heart; but that didn’t give them the right or privilege to determine who I dated. I and I alone retained that decision to make. Yes when all the dust cleared and the commitment had been made, I did hope that my sons would buy into the deal and embrace the fact and be pleased that their father was truly a happier person. If my sons had reservations, they kept them to their selves.
Let Your Feelings Rule on this matter
Don my oldest son, who has always shared his thoughts and questions, did so during our first meeting with each other by asking my future wife a leading question. He asked her what her first husband did? My wife replied that he was a banker. Don who seldom keeps his mouth properly supervised. You see he loves to debate and these kinds of questions generally cause affects, which he’s looking for. His next question was, how much did you take him for? My son finally met, someone who gives what they receive. She responded by saying not nearly enough. I think this meeting bonded my son and future wife. Even today they still talk about their first meeting and laugh about it. I think, no I know, they share a common respect for each other. Yes the debating still continues when they’re together. I find the process enjoyable.
If You Let Your love Decide, They Will Come Around in Time
Allowing your children to decide who you date is a huge mistake. This process should be guided by your feelings only. In this particular situation their feelings should play no part in who you date. What you must remember is that your children, assuming your first marriage partner is alive and they the children still have bonded with them. Are preconceived to the idea that they want their original parents back together. If you are not in this groove of thinking, ignore what your children are saying concerning this matter. In time if you make a good second choice, they will come around and stop the game playing. They will in time see the value of their step parent and be ok with it.
Don't Let Their Actions Control Your Dating
When you start dating again your children will instantly become helpless without you. They will find ways to sabotage your dating. They will try to make you feel guilty for leaving them with a sitter or family member. Don’t buy into this baloney, they’re just jealous and don’t want to share you with someone else. So date on and in time, you will, if fate is on your side, find the right person you should have married in the first place. Smart people learn from their mistakes and ignore their children, when it comes to dating. Think of it this way, in time they will be gone and you will still be happy with your mating choice.
A Heart Decision is Always Good for Everyone
So don’t give in and stay the course. You’ll be rewarded with love and what’s better, then that. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by Pétursey
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 8:42 AM
Love Draws People Together
I have this theory about love that I would like to share with you. I don’t think people fall in love because they find the right person, I think they fall in love because they’re already in love and so is the other person. Surely you have heard the expression the love connection. Have you ever observed railroad cars being connected to each other? Train cars have a locking device that automatically connects rail cars together, just by pushing them together. This is how I think love works in real life. When people live love they gravitate to love. It’s as natural as apples fall from a tree. In simplest terms love attracts love.
Love Losers Will Find Another
Another extension of my theory is that humans like certain animal’s stay with their love mate as long as both are alive. When one partner dies the other quickly gravitates to another love connection. You would think that the alone partner would wilt away without their love mate. Love studies have concluded that people, who live in love, quickly find new love partners if their mate dies. Which proves another theory I have, that love, loves love.
Before Mating Conditions Had to be Met
As you can tell I am a one hundred percent believer in love. When I found my love mate whose name is Linda, love totally turned my life upside down. I had been married before and had no desire to experience another divorce again. So I spend twenty years in a state of limbo. This limbo was created as a defense against trying again. I decided that certain conditions had to be met before I would consider a person for a love connection. They had to be childless and capable of supporting themselves, without needing me.
I Found the Value of Happiness
These requirements kept me safe and but not necessarily happy. Then one day I woke up and felt better then I have ever felt before. I remember that day as if it was just yesterday. I sat in the middle of my living room floor and watched the sun rise. I told myself this is the way I want to live the rest of my life. I was really happy for the first time in a long time. So I decided to change my life. I developed a method of doing that allowed me to embrace, that which made me happy and eliminate that which made me unhappy. This was truly a mind-altering event in my life. This is when I started to believe in love, even thought I didn’t have a clue what love was all about.
A Love Graduate
In time my oldest sons called me a happiness guru. That comment pleased me to no end. I told him it’s the only way to live. I’m not sure if he got it then but I do believe he does now. I say this because he has experienced his love connection and he knows what I’m talking about.
Love Creates the Greatest Feelings
Linda the love of my life, who I love above all things. We will celebrate sixteen years together on April 9, 2006. I feel like I’ve been married to her all my life and that’s the greatest feeling in the world.
Love Is Everything
So here’s my point, if you want love, be love and love will find you. What could be simpler then that? That’s my Story and I’m Sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by FreeWine
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 9:07 AM
Change Your Routine
I think we all get into habits and pretty much stick to them everyday. This probably is not a good idea if you’re trying to find a dating partner.Here is what I would suggest date lookers do to increase their chances of making a dating connection. Travel different roads to work every few days. An acquaintance of mine said he met his wife when he helped change a tire for her. You might also want to consider a different mode of transportation if it’s available to you. Like a bus or rail service.
Change Eating Locations
Go to different places to eat for lunch if that’s possible. You’ll be amazed how many people you’ll meet in eating-places. My neighbor said he met his Future wife at a Wendy’s. She was one of the day managers. He said he connected with her the first time because his curly fries weren’t curly. I love curly fries so I would complain too.
Sweets Will Draw Company
Bring a large glass bowl of wrapped candies to work, like the stuff we give out at Halloween time. Offer it up to your co-workers. Later suggest people drop off some offerings if they like the idea. This will help keep the bowl full. Your goal here is to entice people to come to the candy jar. This will get you to know people on a more personal level. Remember connecting is required before dating is possible. People love candy, so candy on; you may be surprised how well this method works
Change something about yourself from time to time. Clothes, hair etc. This kind of behavior gets you noticed and that could be a helpful thing.
Talk Less & Listen More
Offer yourself up, as a good listener to someone who seems to be under stress or upset about something. This may not be a person you’re interested in dating but knowing them may lead you to someone else. Remember people know people and that’s a good way to meet other people. There is one requirement here, be a sincere person and really care about other peoples problems. If you don’t this process will backfire on you and you’ll be branded a phony and that’s not a good thing.
Offer Your Services
If you hear for example that someone is moving, offer yourself up as a helper. People like that kind of gesture even thought they may not take you up on your offer. If they do let you help that may expose you to other helpers that might help you find a date connection. See how simple the whole process works. Its like trolling for a fish, sometimes you get a bite.
Just Say Anything
This changing process in your life will help you meet people and that’s what dating is all about. The best way to meet someone is through a non-dating situation. Under these kinds of conditions most people feel more at ease and more willing to share their thoughts with you. This process endears you to people before they even see it coming. Is that cool or what?
Think about it, there’s a million ways to meet people without having them think your trying to date them. Remember meet first and date later. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by slushpup
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 6:01 AM
Love Improves Your Feeling Process
The language of Love is used exclusively by people who are in love. This type of communication is not learned in a building of learning. It’s not actually something you learn, its something you acquire when the arrow of love strikes your heart. When this happens you instantly become a changed person. Love is a good thing; so when you change you change for the better. I know this is true because I am one of those changed people. My two Step Sons who I love like my own challenge my behavior towards my wife, their Mother. They say I give her too much control on issues in our lives. They tell me using their jargon that I should take control and be the man in the family. I generally babble something like it works for me. I smile they laugh and the world moves on.
Learn from Lovers
If you really want to learn something about this language, observe people who you know, are in love. They are constantly looking, touching or speaking love words to each other. To them their mate can do no wrong. Even food tastes better between these lovesick people. No matter what they conjure up to eat it always tastes, smells and looks delicious. Now these are the same people who when they were single complained about almost every bit of food they consumed. So being in love must make food taste better.
Love Makes Everything Seem Better
Maybe love just makes life better. I sometimes think about all the things that used to be so important in my life. Now most of those things hardly ever receive an audience with my brain. Its like even my brain has changed. Many of my negative thoughts about myself and things in my life have changed. They don’t seem to matter any more.
When You Have Love You Have Everything
I have come to the conclusion that love is a miracle cure for all that ails the world. So just for this one moment allow me the status of being your doctor. If you came to me for a mental illness I would write you the following prescription. Take love frequently and call me in the morning.
That’s what love means to me. Me and love are the same. That’s my story and I live by it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by A.M. Kuchling
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 5:32 AM