Pre Marital Expectations
Joining two people who wish to spent the rest of their life together is a noble tradition handed down from generation to generation. It is a spiritual, ceremonial and legal connection that binds two people together. Nothing that we do in our life will affect us more then this one act of togetherness. I personally love and like the thought of spending the rest of my life with my true love. Not all togetherness will expel the same thoughts as I do about this human experience. I think making this kind of connection requires more thought then we normally put to it. Maybe having huge weddings and honeymoons might be something we should reconsider for a number of reasons.
Simple Ring Changing
My first marriage was very modest. We got married in the church and that was it. No honeymoon was available to us. My second marriage was even shorter we got married at the courthouse on Friday and immediately settled joyfully into living as one. My first marriage failed miserable and my second is as good today as it was on the day we were in the courthouse saying I do with two people, we hardly knew.
I honestly believe that too many expectations are created when so much money and effort is put into the marriage ceremony. When so much hype is created the couple involved especially the girl will expect and anticipate that this kind of euphoria will continue thru their entire life together. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The minute the honeymoon is over and the couple settles into reality their emotions take a huge dive down ward and they will be awkwardly disappointed in how they feel. They may not show it or say it but it will be in their mind and they will feel it. They will not say it but they will to themselves wonder what happened to the wonderfulness they felt from the start till the honeymoon was over. That moment is when reality deals us a huge wake up call and we wonder why the joy didn’t keep on going. It’s kind of like when you forget to pay your electric bill and you lights are turned off. The darkness is the reality we face when the honeymoon is over and things get down to being normal.
Coupling is More Complicated
First and foremost we should clearly with an open mind, understand what marriage is all about; not what we think it is. Living by yourself in many ways is simple; you only have to deal with yourself. When you get married you now have not only to deal with yourself but now you must also deal with someone else. This doubles the equation and makes your previously simple life now very complex and requires changes and compromises in order to achieve a good sense of wellness in your relationship. The way in which you lived single may now not be compatible with the person you have agreed to cling to for better or worse. Hopefully better will be your goal and you will achieve it.
The Start is High the Rest is Level
Here’s the point I’m trying to make. Getting down on one knee and saying will you marry me and hearing the word yes with the tears of joy in yours eyes and then marching forward in this euphoric state till the honey moon is over will not continue at the level you experiencing. The high your experiencing will in time be replaced by a lower level of living together. This doesn’t doom your life together but it will lower your expectations. It’s kind of like water in time water finds its own level and so do people making themselves a couple.
Keep it Real
I truly believe that keeping your brain firmly placed in reality you will produce better results then being euphoric and then crashing head long into reality, which shakes the human consciousness into a mind-altering mode. It is better to face the truth and plan for an adjustment and be happy with the results you know are coming. Knowing that the high is temporary will help you understand the reality and that will make your landing more ok. Highs are great but never think they will be the norm. The norm is what life really is. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Don L. Terrill
photo by babasteve
Posted by Don L. Terrill at 6:01 PM